You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
