Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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