my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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