If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
