if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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