I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
