Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
