All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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