and i looked up. we had an audience...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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