so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
