I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
