wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
