just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
whose ass print is on the piano?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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