I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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