I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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