Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
