They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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