12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
