my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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