I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize