I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
