Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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