Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize