There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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