oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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