Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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