We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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