How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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