Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
