If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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