we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
