And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
