And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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