why didn't you poke me back
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
