i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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