Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
