This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
