Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
