First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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