Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
