Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
we're so committed to being not committed
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
