I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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