I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize