either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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