she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
