Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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