you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
