so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you inspire me to be a worse person
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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