i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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