I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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