He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
