I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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