Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
