Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize