I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
