it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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