God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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