I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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