Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
