how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize