when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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