As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize