She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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