How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
